West Wing Astrology
By: Brad Kneeland
I love astrology. I look at my horoscope every day. I also love “The West Wing”. I look at Allison Janney every day. Two of the greatest loves of my life, meshed into one experience- I think the big question here after “What’s your sign?” is “What took me so long?”
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Matt Santos: You are creative, adaptive and insightful. You can be spontaneous (like deciding to run for President) but you are also driven and ambitious and you like to see your projects through to completion (hello, Patient Bill of Rights). You can be quick to anger (remember when you almost fired Josh because you didn’t think he could finish the election through to the end?), but you also have a great sense of humor and get along with almost everyone (like when you and Helen broke the bed during sex and you were labeled "Congressman Casanova” in the press, you stud, you!). You seek power but are loyal to your friends and family and are quick to support the underdog, which was basically the theme of your Presidential campaign.
Taurus (April 20- May 20)
Josh Lyman: You have strength, stamina and willpower. Taurus signs are stubborn by nature and not afraid to stand their ground until the end (like getting Justice Mendoza on the bench, convincing Matt Santos to run for President or leaking information to the press about holds on military promotions by Senator Carrick of Idaho and then shutting down his request for a missile defense system in his state), but you also have a loving and sympathetic side (like helping Donna avoid obstruction of justice and perjury charges after she lied about not having a diary during the MS investigations or by persuading her to come to Bartlet’s inauguration after she took the rap for Jack Reese leaking information to the press). You are patient, persistent and, while you care about your own interest, you are also generous with your time and attention.
Gemini (May 21- June 20)
Kate Harper: You are balanced and adaptable. You can understand the meaning of anything, act on it and bring about positive results, which are all needed when you are the Deputy NSA. You can be tough to predict (remember when CJ tried to look at your file and everything was blacked out?) but you are also affectionate and can be imaginative, which makes you a great girlfriend to Will and a great co-worker/teammate to CJ and the rest of the National Security Team. You drive a hard bargain, which probably helped bring about the Peace Accord with the Israeli’s and Palestinians at Camp David- you go, girl!
Cancer (June 21- July 22)
CJ Cregg: You are loyal and sympathetic- the nurturer of your team. You can be emotional, moody and snarky (like pressing President Bartlet’s buttons on Notre Dame, going off on Nancy McNally about the plight of women in Qumar or thinking it is wrong to not send the secret space shuttle up to rescue the Russians alongside the Americans), but you are loyal to a fault, loving and the definition of a team player (like serving as President Bartlet’s Press Secretary for five years and then becoming his Chief of Staff, like making sure Josh doesn’t eat the junk food laying around the West Wing or asking Toby what she can bring to their Thanksgiving party). You also value alone time to recharge (ex: doing “the Jackal” alone in your office).
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
President Bartlet: You are the natural leader of the zodiacs. You are highminded and will let everyone know that you have an opinion (on classical music, the US economy, sending troops to Kazakhstan to avoid war with Russia and China or the proper way to prepare stuffing at Thanksgiving). You possess a talent for being able to analyze any situation and make a well thought out decision (every time Bartlet steps into the Situation Room). You can be headstrong and a bit bossy, but thank God you have Abbey to keep you in check.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
First Lady Abbey Bartlet: You have a keen mind, are a blast to chat with and you can win everyone and anyone over with ease and charm. You are naturally intutitive and you have a remarkable memory (remember when Jed said he’d only spend one term as POTUS or when you had to remind him that Mrs. Wilburforce was actually your family’s housekeeper and NOT the family cat). You are an excellent teammate (remember how you helped host the Israeli and Palestinians at Camp David to reach the Peace Accords?) and make your opinions known (highlighting child trafficking, shutting down the gag order on the foreign aid bill or whether or not the President is doing enough to take care of his MS) which make you the perfect partner for your husband as he acts as leader of the free world.
Libra (September 23- October 22)
Sam Seaborn: You are an idealist. Your scales represent balance and power and stability- the notion that there are absolute rights and absolute wrongs (like telling Donna’s friend that her father was a double agent working against the US Government in the 1940’s or holding your father to a higher standard after finding out that he had a secret girlfriend he was housing in an apartment for many years). You have keen intuition but don’t give yourself enough credit (like when you write an amazing State of the Union speech for the President), but you are well-read and make an excellent debater, making your point known and heard (like when you helped steer the Administration through the MS Scandal).
Scorpio (October 23- November 21)
Leo McGarry: You are the most misunderstood of the zodiac. You are bold and brash but can be cool and confident. You are stoic and unshakable with focus, which makes you the perfect choice to be President Bartlet’s Chief of Staff, but you can also be withdrawn and secretive (like when you are dealing with your divorce, alcoholism or time as a soldier in Vietnam). While you have a tendency to be withdrawn, you come out in force when necessary (“I take a bullet for the President, he does NOT take one for me!”). You like the challenge and see your tasks through to the end while never forgetting where your loyalty lies.
Sagittarius (November 22- December 21)
Toby Ziegler: You are the philosopher of the zodiacs. You have focus and can be intense, but you can end up wasting your talent and skills if you don’t channel that energy into the right outlet (like bouncing your ball against the window or getting drunk on Air Force One while writing the eulogy for President Lassiter). You are loyal but can’t handle commitment well (remember when Congresswoman Andrea Wyatt divorced your ass?). Your philosophy and curiosity makes you an asset to those seeking the bigger picture, and, incidentally makes you the perfect choice to be Communications Director to help craft a message and theme for President Bartlet.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Debbie Fiderer: You are the organizer of the zodiacs. You apply your knowledge practically and you thrive with stability and order. You are intuitive and persevering, which makes you ideal to be the gatekeeper to the President of the United States. You rarely share your own problems (divorced, once fired from the White House and a failed stint as an alpaca farmer), but your stability and order brings calm to an often rambunctious White House (like denying Josh access to the Senior Staff meeting because he was late, and then making him go back to get his memos because he forgot them YOU STONE COLD RUTHLESS WOMAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU BOSS LADY SLAY). You are an emotional sponge and can being around other people’s problems can be taxing on you, but that’s ok because there is a good poker game somewhere for you to go and blow off some steam (and win some people’s hard earned money in the process).
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Donna Moss: You are quiet and unassuming, but go on to accomplish tasks and goals in a quiet, if not unconventional manner (remember when you stood outside your polling place all day to swap votes with someone because you accidentally voted Republican instead of Democratic, or the time you had to chase that couple all around the DAR reception because the Secret Service had a problem with them, OR the time you were denied access to Mrs. Bartlet’s party because it turns out you weren’t an American citizen because you were born in Canada instead of Wisconsin??). Your honestly and loyalty and intellect is unmatched, which makes you so invaluable to Josh and the rest of the West Wing staff. You can be prone to laziness and bad decisions (taking the fall for Jack Reese) but your heart is in the right place and you work hard to redeem yourself in the end (like when you become Mrs. Santos's Chief of Staff!)
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Charlie Young: Quiet and unassuming, you like to keep a low profile but you are crazy intelligent (remember when you suggested to the President a bill that would make college free for anyone who wanted to teach in a public school? Boss move.) You are honest and unselfish and trustworthy, all characteristics needed to be the body man to the President of the United States, but you also run the risk of being gullible and taken advantage of (how many times have people tried to get you to spill information on the President and First Lady’s private lives (Toby cough cough). Your devotion to friends and family is unparalleled (raising your sister after your mom died, looking out for the President and being Zoey’s boyfriend) and that makes you one of the most compassionate of the zodiacs.