It is now officially Christmas Music Season. The time of year when everyone willfully turns off their barometers for what is good music and listens to same fifteen songs sung ten thousand different ways with varying degrees of skill. Unfortunately, this means that anyone listening to the radio, or in a department store, is forced to listen to such saccharine horseshit as “Do You Hear What I Hear,” “The Little Drummer Boy,” and the most evil of all evils “Christmas Shoes,” hundreds upon hundreds of times for the next month.
There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel however. The Blowhard has identified the five good Christmas songs that exist and put them all in one place for you. So whenever someone suggests that Christmas music must be played, you’ll have a handy little guide to sneaking some actually good tunes in. You’re Welcome!
Here’s The List:
"All I Want For Christmas Is You" – Mariah Carey. The only good modern Christmas song. And honestly, if I heard this in July, I wouldn’t be mad about it. This song bangs.
"Christmas Eve Sarajevo 12/24" – Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Any other time of year and this song would be a little overwrought. But it works perfectly as an antidote to the treacle-y crap that comes out during Christmas. And I think the orchestra teacher at my high school once played with TSO, so that’s cool?
"Carol of The Bells" – John Williams. This one comes from the Home Alone Soundtrack, the second best Christmas Movie. You get the usual Williams bombast, but with handbells, so it’s all around pretty dope.
"Wonderful Christmas Time "– Paul McCartney. Now, my stance on the Beatles is quite clear, they’re trash. On the other hand, McCartney did write a Christmas song that legit knocks, so I’ll give them that. This song has cheesy synths, which is really all I ask for from any song.
"Santa Claus is Coming To Town" – Bruce Springsteen. The Boss managed to somehow write the only good Christmas song involving Santa. Usually anything involving Santa is just a lower tier Coke ad, but the Boss managed to Spruce (Editor: Kill me now) up the concept and make it enjoyable.
So there you have it. The only 5 good Christmas songs. Call your radio station slash local mall and let them know that you just want to hear these 5 songs on a loop for the next month and a half.