By Portia Turner
1. Sit down to get some writing done! Here we go! I’ve got my tea, my computer, and my comfy chair. COME AT ME, WRITING!
2. Open a new Word document. So many possibilities!
3. Oh dear god. What possibilities? Why is my mind blank?!
4. Come on, brain! Why are you letting me down! We’ve done this before! Many times before! What makes this time different?
5. I. Can. Do. This! Think. Harder.
6. How did I end up 8 episodes into Community? Who opened Hulu?
7. Okay. Here we go again. Hulu is closed, so it’s just you and me, blank word document!
8. I wonder if there are any cookies in the kitchen. I better go check . . .
9. No cookies?! Well, I better go to the grocery store to get some.
10. Alright. Here I go. I have cookies, my computer, and my tea. Wait, my tea is cold? Better make a new cup.
11. OK. I have cookies, my computer, my comfy chair, and a warm cup of tea . . . and still no ideas.
12. Let’s try something to get the creative juices flowing. WORD ASSOCIATION.
- Fish, fish-n-chips, chips, British, mushy peas, blobs, movies, comedy, laughter, maniacal laughter, evil villains, superheroes, adventure, travel, food, Thai food, I SHOULD ORDER THAI FOOD!
13. I really shouldn’t start writing until after my food arrives. Don’t want to interrupt my flow! I’ll just use this time to watch some more Community.
14. Food’s here! I clearly can’t eat and write at the same time. Better watch some more TV.
15. Huh. Now I have to go to work. Guess I will just have to work on writing when I get home.
16. Now it’s late, and I am clearly too tired to get any work done. I should just go to bed.
17. Repeat steps 1-17 many times.
18. Wake up and have a realization. This experience! This! This is the piece! Let’s make the best of this terrible writer’s block!
19. Write, write, write! It’s finally happening! The blank page is filling with words! Glorious words!
20. I am a writing god! I have tricked writer’s block! I have used it for my own personal gain! Take that, you jerk!
21. Why is my phone ringing? Did I order more Thai food?
THREE WEEKS LATER
22. Holy crap. What happened here?
23. WHY IS THAI FOOD MY DOWNFALL? HOW DARE YOU, THAI FOOD?
24. Well, I guess I should finish writing this.
25. How do I end something like this?
26. I guess this is a good place for a moral lesson. No matter how bad writer’s block may feel, you can always defeat it. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
27. Start brainstorming for the next piece.
28. Process repeats itself indefinitely.