Vote

By Brittany Handler

Vote.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t at this point, but vote. And I’m not gonna tell ya who to vote for.

You know what, yes I will.

Vote for Hillary Clinton.

Oh my god emails!

Well oh my god, racism, homophobia, misogyny, greediness, hatred, sexual assault, threats, violence, and ignorance of anything remotely resembling political theory, ideology, or the way our country works.

I’m not a quiet gal, and I’m not gonna apologize for that. Never have and never will. I am always TOLD to be quiet, and to those people, I give a big ole middle finger to you.

I was just discussing with a friend how we edit our excitement in professional emails but how her husband doesn’t. He uses five exclamation points if he feels excited about something in a professional email. But we don’t. We edit those five exclamation points to one or two or maybe even just a period.

And we both decided, no more. I’m not hiding who I am. I’m a peppy, high energy, loud, vulgar, angry, opinionated NASTY woman, and I haven’t ever REALLY hid it, but I’m so done with it. If this election has taught me one thing, it is that no more will I be editing myself, EVER.

SO WATCH OUT MOFOS.

But I’m just so done. I’m so unbelievably done. A month ago, “pussygate” happened. And Trump dropped in the polls. But now, thank you to my favorite director of the FBI, James Go Fuck Yourself Comey, we know that they found some more emails of Hillary’s, and FOR SOME REASON, we are close again in this race.

So let me get this straight. America is more okay with a SEXUALLY ASSAULTING GARBAGE MONSTER than a woman who fucked up a little with email.

This is personal America. If you elect Donald Trump, you could not send a bigger f-you to women everywhere. That you are more okay with a terrible, deplorable (oh, I said it) human who has done more messed up stuff than I care to go into than a woman running our country. 

My piece this week was going to be about covering scandals that every president in Hillary’s lifetime has had, going back to Truman. And there are a ton. Alas, it isn’t my piece this week because it was requiring quite a bit of research, and while I would love to be a full time writer, I have recently been reprimanded at my day job for not doing enough reception-ing. But there are a ton. And we have been okay with everyone of those scandals (aside from Watergate and Monica Lewinsky . . . ). So WHY are we not letting go of the emails?

Because Hillary is a woman.

And fine. Tell me it isn’t all based on that. But it is. And that’s my opinion, and you have your right to your opinion as well, but there ya go. I said it. It is all because she is a strong, determined woman, and that obviously means that she is untrustworthy. But if a dude was doing the same stuff Hillary was? We’d be okay with it.

So that’s it. My final words before Tuesday. Not eloquent and quite ramble-y. But through my stress headaches and anxiety attacks, that’s all I’ve got for you until this is over.

So go vote.