Celebrities We Would Slap: Taylor Swift Edition

By Taylor Gendel

My roommate recently asked me, “If you could slap any seemingly harmless celebrity across the face, who would you choose?”.

I immediately answered Taylor Swift. I never pass up an opportunity to explain why Taylor Swift makes me cringe. My guess is I’m not the only one, so I decided to write down a primer. I hope that this will resonate with a lot of other people out there.

Reasons Taylor Swift is the worst:

She still acts shocked every time she receives an award. Surprise, Taylor! People like you! She plays this underdog character, as if her fame continues to be unexpected. She should be way past the point of being humble. She has performed for millions of fans and sold millions of records. I don’t ever want to see you put your hands over your cheeks Home Alone-style again, T Swift. Just own your fame!

Her dance moves are very hard to watch. This may just be me projecting my own insecurities about dancing in public, but I think we can agree it is definitely not Taylor’s strong suit

Her switch from Country to Pop. I think it’s generally okay for musicians to try out a new genre, but to me Taylor’s change seems to have been motivated solely by money and fame. Also, full disclosure, I listened to ‘You Belong With Me’ a lot the summer of 2008, and actually appreciated her country princess persona. Pop is boring and repetitive. You can do better T.S.

I know way too much about her love life. People get a lot of shit for slut shaming Taylor. I don’t have a problem with the number of men she has dated. It is the public nature of all of her affairs that is so bothersome. I’m sure some of this is the media’s fault, but there are many celebrities that are able to keep their private lives out of the spotlight. This makes me believe a lot of the gossip is self-generated and for her own publicity. I.E. her potentially fake relationship with Tom Hiddleston

I love Kanye. I don’t care how crazy or rude he is. He had guts to stand up and say Beyoncé had the best video of all time, and frankly I agree with him. Kanye has worked hard to achieve his level of fame and he recognizes that perseverance in other musicians. This is not to say that Taylor hasn’t worked hard, but that her thirst for fame is far more apparent to me that her pursuit of making great art.  I won’t get into Taylor’s more recent beef with Kimye but there’s more on that here.

If I hear Bad Blood one more time I’m going to scream. This is a terrible song you guys! She rhymes blood with cut, and pronounces cut as a 3 syllable word! I am willing to forgive Kendrick for being a part of this because in my eyes he can do no wrong, but I am genuinely confused why he would associate with this nonsense.

Buzzword time! Cultural Appropriation. White Privilege. White Feminism. Here’s an article that expresses these sentiments.

Taylor Swift Is Not Your Friend. This article covers why the BFF GIRL POWER image Swift portrays is little more than a power play for more fame.

In conclusion:

I do think Taylor Swift has talent. It is just not talent I am in awe of.

I would not want to be her friend and I don’t think she would be a good friend to have.

Just because we share a first name does not mean you can nickname me T Swift. And do not continue to address me as such after I explain that I really dislike Taylor Swift. (This actually happened.)

So, who would you slap?